Something many parents dread is ‘the talk’. It feels awkward, scary, and even yucky. That ‘talk’ won’t happen in my house because there hopefully won’t be any need.
Discover your love language and your child’s.
One of my favorite things about being a mom is I get to help, shape, guide, and protect my kids. I am a words girl. Words are the clear top winner in my love languages tests.
I absolutely love communication, and that can drive my husband nuts ;). My daughter is definitely a quality time girl, who also loves to talk. I love being able to tell my daughter things about what it means to be a woman. I love, day to day, being able to casually bring it up and just say a few things and go on with the conversation. I love being able to talk about intimate things in a very normal and natural way.
For example, when my girl has brought up friends having crushes and that, according to them, you can’t have crushes until fourth grade (apparently you can only ‘like’ them), it opens up the opportunity to have a laugh with her about the absurdity of that thought and say a few sentences about the what she should look for in a crush. Then, just let the conversation move on. Talk about love? Puberty? I keep an attitude that it is important and a big deal, but with a ‘no big deal’ feel about talking about it.
Trust and intimacy are key elements in a confiding relationship
I want it, when it comes time to fully disclose all about dating, sex, marriage, and her body, to be such a smooth transition that it feels like the natural progression of events. I want all my little, talks, snippets, stories, and such to build up to this moment. I want the intimacy of trust between her and I. I want her to feel like she can easily and effortlessly come to me with her questions. I want her to feel safe.
I don’t want her to learn about puberty, love, sex, and family from the public school system. I want her to learn it from me. I know her intimately and just when and how she needs to hear and learn things. I know there are parents that don’t prepare their kids, making health education necessary, but I really feel like it is my duty and privilege to guide her. It is an important honor and, for me, joy.
I get to tell her about how beautiful the female body is, and talk about all the amazing things it does. I was blessed to be pregnant when she was old enough to really experience the beauty of God’s creation, and how we play a part. She got to learn so much from that, which I couldn’t have taught her any better. She knows now that our bodies are beautiful outside of sexuality.
In day to day events, as related topics come up, I can help her understand that ‘fat’ and ‘skinny’ are relative and the only goal we need is to be a weight where our bodies are healthiest. I get to tell her that being overweight is only a health issue. Also, that being too skinny isn’t always beautiful, and also very dangerous.
Puberty is tough, but it is something I need to talk about.
I want her to be prepared for when her body starts changing. I need to show her I am not ashamed of mine. I get to shape how she views decency now. I can start now to prepare her for later. How she sees her body and sexuality are highly influenced by mine.
Motherhood is an honor.
It is such an honor to be able to show her how a wife and mother should act. It is an honor to be able to show her what authentic love of God looks like. It’s also so very important that I show that I know I’m not perfect, don’t get it right all the time, and teach her respect by apologizing to her when I know I should. Learning to say “sorry” is best done by seeing it in action.
So even though there will eventually be that moment, when a conversation will finally be full-disclosure about relationships and sexuality, my goal will be that it won’t be ‘the talk’.
As always, positive comments are welcome. Negative hurtful comments will be trashed before I can even finish reading them. I have many readers who are emotionally vulnerable, and I will not post comments that will further harm.
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