brother sister hug

I was pondering the delicate line between the personal self and identity intertwining with our difficulties. Many people with autism see it as a part of themselves, and to say we want to find a “cure” (solution) to a problem cuts deeply into their spirit. I understand this feeling, although not because of autism. I’m not going to go into my personal struggles here, but I do understand that feeling. I also understand the realization that these parts of my and others lives are not ideal and cause struggle, frustration, and even pain. It really is a very difficult grey area. How much of a condition is central to who we are and how much is something that should be “cured”? If we lost those parts of ourselves, do we lose our identity? Is that bad, or should we be careful in choosing these things as integral to who we are in our innermost being?

I don’t really have any answers. This topic quickly enters into a philosophical dilemma. With autism, I can only guess. planting corn 2015My son is all his good parts; Whether the product of his autism or not. So autism to me, feels like the struggles and painful things that arise because of this condition. I don’t want to “cure” his obsessions with Mario Brothers, specific notes on the piano,and fascination with things that we so easily skip over. I don’t want to “cure” his unique view of the world, his method of processing things, and insight.

I want to “cure” his anger, OCD, hyperactivity, inability to speak, physical aggression, tears of pain, fear, and frustration. I want to help him, and the unique wonderful life he brings to this world, to thrive in an environment that doesn’t fit in with the way he thinks. I want to take his pain and frustration away. I see this look in his eyes of sadness, that he cannot speak, cannot control himself. I see his spirit in pain. I want to “cure” that.

I want to see him laugh, dance, and smile. I know he can’t want to hurt those who love him. I just can’t bring myself to believe that. It’s hard sometimes, but it just cannot be. I want to stop getting bruises. I want to stop the need to dodge flailing arms. If those who criticize think that this is wrong, than I don’t know what more to say. Most parents love their children dearly. Let’s not make the mistake of blind judgment.

 

Sarah

As always, positive comments are welcome. Negative hurtful comments will be trashed before I can even finish reading them. I have many readers who are emotionally vulnerable, and I will not post comments that will further harm.

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Sarah

1 Comment on What Autism Is to Me

  1. I too have felt that. I wouldn’t want to cure my sons of their passions for language, or detailed drawings, but I would like to have the biting and hitting stop. I don’t think my oldest, means to smash his hand through glass for fun, but is a result from the frustration of not knowing what to do.
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