I See You

Let me tell you a story.  There once was a girl who grew up, got married, and become a mom.  Then her baby was diagnosed with autism, and her world was turned upside down and her hopes for her future were no more.  Life grew hard, her boy grew difficult, relationships were strained, marriage was, at points, in distress, money was tight, and she did everything she could to keep her kids from knowing they were poor.  Medical bills piled up.  Therapies were dropped.  They just couldn’t afford them.  Feelings of failure set in. Her son needed those things.

Then he grew older and he began to change.  He would run away, fight her when mad, give her bruises from his pinches, and scream at her.  She would wonder if he still even loved her.  She would have to remind herself that she still loved him.  Then a shock came her way.  She had to at least consider the idea of giving him up to a group home.  But he’s just a child; a boy, she would think.  She would cry; many times, weep and even wail.  She, who was an introvert and scarred from a rough school experience as a child, had to reach out.  But to where and to whom? She had to admit all was not right.  She had to drop the I’m-strong-I-can-handle-it act.

One night, as she laid outside on the grass looking up at the stars, without thinking she said, Can you even see me? Do you even care?  I’m dying here. I can’t take much more. She, instead of feeling guilt at questioning God, felt relief because she finally came clean and was honest with God.  She let herself step into communion with Him.  But, she still wondered if He did see her.  Do you see me God? Do you even care?

Move forward six months.  Enter in a group of fellow friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.  They give her a phone call and surprised her with the desire to help her with her household needs and put special locks (very expensive locks they raised the money for) in the doors to keep her son safe inside.  To clean, organize, improve, maintain the house and keep her son safe.

Many many people came together to donate time and money which was such a valuable sacrifice in her eyes.  They came and attacked the house and yard needs with fervor.  Pulled a thousand wonderful directions, she was too overwhelmed to process what was happening.  Also, so humbled by the donation of supplies and more, she was fighting feelings of guilt and embarrassment at her lack of money and the sad state of her house.

After everyone left, and she was left with a house so clean it vibrated every sound made in it, she was too tired to even try and relax by watching TV or doing her hobbies.  All she could do was sit in wonder, joy, relief, and gratitude and think, I don’t deserve this.

And that night, as she was again reflecting on the day’s events, she was reminded of that night on the lawn when she asked God if he could see her or even cared.  She heard in her heart, I see you. Do you see me?

Sarah

As always, positive comments are welcome. Negative hurtful comments will be trashed before I can even finish reading them. I have many readers who are emotionally vulnerable, and I will not post comments that will further harm.

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Sarah