So, I’m realizing what seems so normal to me may, in fact, not be so normal to average America.
I had quite the night with my big boy the other night, and until a friend suggested I write about it, I thought it to be a boring thing to write about.
Taylor has sleeping issues. BIG sleeping issues. I never used to be a pill pushing mom. I still don’t think I am. I take my own cocktail to keep my crazy brain from falling apart☺️, but giving drugs to my son was out of the picture. He can’t tell me if they work or not. I have to guess from the outside what he is feeling on the inside. It’s very much like a new mom having to discern her new baby’s cries and their meaning. You get pretty good at it, but it’s still hard…and stressful if it deals with mental medication.
However, after a certain point of time, you realize that sleep and peace might be nice. Then you realize your poor kid probably needs the same too.
Enter Ambien. Please, no judging moms. We have tried everything else, save for melatonin, which if 10mg of Ambien barely does the job, I doubt over-the-counter melatonin will make a dent. Most moms are understanding, but if you are not one of them, I’m sorry. You just don’t know our lives enough to judge.
But even with Ambien which I will refer to as “God’s gift to sleeplessness”, we occasionally have nights like the other night.
It all started with Taylor taking a nap. Oh God, I thought, Please let him go to bed normally tonight! I was asking Jesus if he happened to get my prayer in his inbox at around 12am, and around 2am I was having existentialist conversations with myself about the existence of life and whether reality was real. And then 2:30 hit. At which point I wondered if Taylor was actually twins on the inside, tag teaming me trying to see at which hour I snap and my eye starts twitching. It’s around 2:48am, if you’re curious.
This is no ordinary type of not sleeping. I can’t go to sleep if he is up. I have to stand guard and protect my house. I tie yarn around the handles of my french door refrigerator to make sure he doesn’t open it, take a bunch of food out, spread it everywhere, and leave it open. (In the morning I have to stealthily cut the yarn, as to not give away the code to fridge security.) I’ve considered throwing the breaker to the lights so he can’t turn every one on. And I regret my decision to put hardwood floors everywhere, because even though they are pretty he bounds up and down them all night yelling and whooping happily. The.Whole.Time… I have to make sure I shut and lock the door to the family room, so he won’t let the dog out of the kennel where she proceeds to wander and pee. And I log out of the computer and hide the tv remotes so he won’t go on Netflix because, heaven forbid, he listen to it at a normal level. I think our neighbors two blocks away must hear the chaos that comes out of our house when on top of his joyous leaping, bounding, and whooping, “The Magic School Bus” is blaring. Because everyone needs a little educating at two in the morning, right;)?
And just as my sleep deprived induced drunk, goofy, and crazy eye twitching endorphins begin to kick in, as if he almost has a “mommy’s going to lose it” meter reader in his head, he just gets in bed and instantly falls asleep. And he did all this with the Ambien in his system. Dear God, I want to know how. How can I learn this energy superpower and manifest it for my own?? I would be like superwoman, and all moms everywhere would envy me ;)! Alas, this knowledge eludes me. And I’m left being torn between jealousy and having a mental breakdown. Because, without fail, just has he finally falls asleep, the baby wakes up from all the noise. You know in cartoons when they show characters with bulging twitching eyes, usually one is bigger than the other, and both are bloodshot?…yeah, picture that.
Dang it Taylor! If you weren’t so stinking cute and awesome, I’d be tempted to throw you out the window. That’s legal, right? They would accept an insanity plea, you think? Seriously I’m kidding! 🙂
And does he sleep in? Ha! No. Up at 6:45 it is! Thank God for Starbucks, and God bless the inventor of Ambien! I hope he/she lives a happy life in a big mansion on a fairly remote mountain, and a heated pool with a view of a beautiful valley. Maybe a non heated pool as well for the summertime. And a spa. I hope they have a spa. Without Ambien, at least 4 days a week would look like this.
Enter the life of a mom to an autistic child…
That was a five cup of coffee morning!!! 🙂
As always, positive comments are welcome. Negative hurtful comments will be trashed before I can even finish reading them. I have many readers who are emotionally vulnerable, and I will not post comments that will further harm.
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