Why Did I Fall For A Lie

There is a commercial on T.V. constantly every day during the mid-day hours. I don’t watch day time T.V. that much because I’m just not a fan of talk shows.  But when it is on, the Sono Bello commercial plays multiple times.  I don’t have a problem with enhancing surgeries and procedures, per-se.  I have a problem with the way they are marketed and the message they are telling women and young girls.

In 1997 Surgical Cosmetic Procedure numbers were 939,192 Non-surgical procedures, 740,751 making a grand total of 1,679,943.  Compare that to 2013’s numbers: Surgical Cosmetic Procedures, 1,883,048, Non-surgical Cosmetic Procedures, 9,536,562, and a grand total 11,419,610 (source: American Society For Aesthetic Plastic Surgery )!

I’m 34.  I’ve had three kids, and my body testifies to that.  But what would my reasoning be for enhancing it? For me? Perhaps. But honestly, people in general want to be attractive to other people.  I would argue that many people who augment their bodies and think they are doing it for their own enjoyment, may not realize that their enjoyment might come from attention from others.

Sono Bello knows this and definitely markets their services to this idea.

The commercial was annoying at best, until I heard one of the client’s testimonials.  The commercial had a handful of clients say a snippet about how they loved their “Sono Bello body” and the last woman said “My husband (with big emphasis on “husband”) loves my Sono Bello body.”  Really!?  One, in no way does Sono Bello hold shares in any clients’ bodies. They aren’t owners of anyone.  Two, if I felt that my husband loved my new body, I would have this nagging wondering if he loved it before.  Was I beautiful then? More so now?  If I was beautiful to him before, why would I feel the need to be ‘more beautiful’?  Would that mean I wasn’t enough?

Oh, the circles my mind would run in!

There is more to beauty than skin, nose, fat, lips, brows, and more.  When you are loved for who you are, the outside becomes beautiful no matter what the look or shape.  It isn’t about outside look.  I will not wax on like some arguments and neglect the elephant in the room, that there are people who are more attractive and some who are less attractive.  It’s just the way life is and I’m not too concerned with it…for the moment.

Way back when, in college, my husband started dating me at the end of my junior year.  We started our lives together with me as an anorexic.  I was pretty heavy into the disorder for about 2 years.  At one point I was barely a size zero and was about 117-119 lbs.  It doesn’t sound bad until you hear that I’m a muscly 5’8″.  My body fat hovered around 4%.  My thighs didn’t touch, and part of my measurement for how fat I was lied in how big the thigh gap was.  I was obsessed with weight numbers. My husband spent a lot of time, concern, and money trying to get me to eat.  He would take me out to dinners so I couldn’t count the calories.  I estimated 1,200 anyway and planned accordingly.  One time my husband and I double dated to the Olive Garden; I made sure I ran 8 miles to prepare.  I could tell you the amount of calories in any given meal (including frozen) just by hearing the ingredients and amounts of them…with unerving accuracy.

A common assumption people make about people like me is that we just aren’t hungry, or we lose the feeling of being hungry.  Not so.  I was starving.  It was torture because even though I knew how hungry I was, I just couldn’t eat.  My husband remembers me staring blankly at my cupboards  for near a half hour when it was time to find a meal.  I was considering each food combo’s fat, calorie, and fiber amounts and was deciding which was the lesser evil…more calories and less fat or more fat and fewer calories.  And I always wanted a lot of fiber to help food to pass through undigested. I made a goal of never eating more than 600 calories a day; and I would make sure if I seriously splurged, it would never go above 1,000.  I took diuretics to shed water weight.  Eventually it started affecting my voice control when I sang.

My wedding dress is a size 2.  I will never be able to wear it again without getting in trouble.  That also means my daughter will (or should be) never able to wear it too.  It breaks my heart.

Anorexia is a disorder that is much like alcoholism in the fact that it never goes away; it only goes into remission.  It has lasting physical health effects.  And the mental and emotional effects are even worse.  I still struggle at times.  I struggle with feeling like a failure because I just couldn’t keep it up.  God was slowly disintegrating my will power, and I slowly gave in to hunger. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, it was like momentarily flipping a switch.  I couldn’t risk harming him for my body desires.  But after he was born…?  I lost all the baby weight within a month and a half.

Not all anorexics starve just to control something.  Many of us just want to look beautiful; and our idea of beautiful is skewed.  I loved the negative attention, because it showed that people cared about me.  They didn’t complement my looks, but instead they talked amongst themselves about how sick I looked.  It felt good to be worried about.

So now you may see why I take more of an issue with the Sono Bello commercial.  Knowing I was cared about and loved by my husband, as well as found to be very beautiful to him, is what filled the hole in my heart that I thought would only be filled by “not being fat.”  No one should feel they need to be more beautiful to their loved ones.  They should feel beautiful already.  If someone was to do Sono Bello (lipo), it shouldn’t be for the reason of making them self beautiful to their husband.

Would I look better if I got a lift, fill, nip, and tuck? Yes! Should that be the only way to be found beautiful by my husband? NO!!! His answer to that, as well as all men’s answer, should be “honey. I love you for who you are. That is so beautiful to me. And your body is a work of beauty to me. Any enhancements you would make couldn’t make you more beautiful to me.”

The message I want to impart on my daughter is that her heart trumps her body.  Because of her beautiful heart, she is so beautiful and attractive on the outside because she radiates love, joy, and innocence from the inside. She, also by objective standards, is beautiful.  But outside beauty can be ruined by a cruel heart.  And it doesn’t fill any of the real needs of the heart. I know this more well than I wish I ever did.

I’m lucky.  Many women like me die.  Their bodies break down and wear out. But though I’m lucky, still…

Why did I have to buy into a lie? 🙁

 

Sarah

As always, positive comments are welcome. Negative hurtful comments will be trashed before I can even finish reading them. I have many readers who are emotionally vulnerable, and I will not post comments that will further harm.

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Sarah

2 Comments on Why Did I Fall For a Lie?

  1. Nice article. I feel the same. I found this blog because of the Sonobello commercial. I just wanted to see if anyone out there hated the commercial as much as myself. I have been dealing with weight issues since I had my children. I was always thin and now I am not. In fact, I’m kinda fat – at least according to my doctor. But I feel better now at a size 12 than I ever did at a 4. My daughter is also heavy. Her doctor constantly shames me about her weight and wants to put her in a weight loss group for teens. I do not feel like enabling her future eating disorder. Sorry, but she eats healthy and she is gradually increasing her activity level now that she is out of her shy, awkward pre-teen years. She will achieve the weight that makes her happy in a sensible, healthy way – not because a toothpick sized pediatrician told her mother she was a bad parent. Sorry – vented a little there.

    • Patricia, I understand your frustration. It is such a balancing act how to teach our daughters to want to be their best beautiful, while telling them the inside matters most, and on top of that telling them how cute and pretty they are without even realizing the conflicting messages. I told my daughter the other night, that it was ok to want to make yourself look more beautiful, but not to forget that how she is as natural as possible is just as beautiful to God as would be if she were all made-up. My new hated commercial…Hot Stamps! Google their commercial. Part of it says “…turn plain boring hair into fun hair…” I wanted to throw my shoe through the TV hoping it would hit the entrepreneurs in the face!

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